Feeling Tired

I think the training is starting to catch up with me. The last couple weeks I have been tired and flat. This week was a little bit better. Here are the comments I sent to my coach.

-------

Better week than last week. Not great but better.

Yesterday's ride went okay. I started off probably 85%. Legs didn't
feel snappy but not dead either. The first couple hours I tried to go
harder than I needed to like the workout called for. It felt good to
work hard even though I didn't feel like I was going very fast.

The third hour started with an hour plus climb. This hurt. It felt
more like it was attacking me than I was attacking it. It was pretty
much all I could do to keep my legs spinning. It got better after
maybe 30 minutes. I noticed my heart rate monitor was displaying
average heart rate instead of current heart rate. Once I switched the
display I noticed I was doing 165 instead of 150 and that made me feel
better. Then at the top I was in the sun most of the time and that
made things harder. As soon as I saw the top though my energy came
back and I picked up the pace for the last part.

After the long descent it was hard to get revved back up. I felt like
I hit bottom a couple times over the next 30 minutes. I started
thinking about how long I had left (45 minutes) and imagined myself
slowing letting out all my energy so at the end I would be completely
drained. Kinda like slowly letting the air out of a balloon. It
still hurt but this imagery helped me keep going without feeling like
I was empty.

I got back to my car about 20 minutes early. I had parked in the
middle of a huge forest road climb. So I took off up the climb. I
tried to go as fast as I could. I kept hearing this voice in my head
about you are going to crack, this is crazy, you are too tired, etc...
I wanted to see what would give out first so I kept pushing with
everything I had. Everything did hurt legs, lungs, back, hands,
shoulders, etc ... But none of those things hurt so bad that it would
make me stop and none of those things were making me feel as bad as
that voice in my head. I finally decided to turn that voice off. For
the last 10 minutes I just climbed without the voice. Everything
still hurt but I wasn't scared of it. It just was it was.

I need to work on that voice. Instead of it being my biggest weakness
I need to make it my biggest strength.

You asked me earlier what my biggest pressures were. I think the
biggest pressure on me is feeling the need to always be getting
better. I felt so much better 4 weeks ago at the end of our last 3
week block. These last 4 weeks I have felt flat and weak. Not
knowing whether I am getting better or worse really stresses me out.
I wish we did some kind of regular test so I could see if I am getting
faster. Maybe something like a 30 minute time trial on the Silver
Comet or a timed climb on a forest service road every couple months.
I could then compare my times to see how I am doing and I would know
one way or other if I am getting stronger or weaker.